8 Tips to Help You Let Go of People, Situations and Things
Learning to let go of things outside your control is empowering.
As someone who has had their share of anxiety, control issues, trauma etc I can confidently say that learning what is within my control and letting go of the rest was life-changing.
Knowing when to let go, what to let go of and how to be at peace with whatever is happening in your life are skills that make life easier and more fulfilling.
Whether it’s a person, situation, issues from your past etc. letting go will set you free.
Instead of wasting time, energy, and your life on things we cannot change or that aren’t meant for us, you can focus on creating and living a better life.
Letting go is a deeply personal journey so here are the things that helped me learn how to do it.
1. Ask Yourself: Why Are You Holding On?
Often we hold on out of fear, a desire for control or unresolved emotions.
Identifying the reason you are holding on can help you to let go.
Holding on out of fear means you are living in a state of fear and anxiety, essentially stuck in survival mode.
Decisions made out of fear generally aren’t great for a life of joy, abundance and success.
Trying to control a situation because you think you know better or control a person always ends poorly.
Mel Robbins discussed this well with the “Let Them” Theory.
“When you “Let Them” do whatever it is that they want to do, it creates more control and emotional peace for you and a better relationship with the people in your life.”
Learn why you are holding on then do what you need to let it go and move on.
Throughout my life, there have been many times I have held on too long to business, people, friendships, situations and got extremely hurt in the process.
Holding onto those people and things drained my energy which in turn reduced my finances, strained other relationships and made life much harder.
Recognising why I was holding onto something or someone and accepting what I can control then letting go of the rest changed everything about me.
My energy was higher, I was happier, money flowed freely and I was myself instead of a stressed anxious mess.
Questions to Ask Yourself
The first and most obvious question is why am I holding onto this situation/person?
Other questions that can be useful include:
What do I gain from this situation/person?
What is triggering me about this situation/person?
What would life be like if I let go?
You can also try the 5 Why’s which I mentioned in the article about breaking bad habits.
Five Why’s
In the book, The People Pleaser’s Guide to Putting Yourself First, I read about the Five Whys.
Sakichi Toyoda, the Japanese industrialist, inventor, and founder of Toyota Industries, developed the 5 Whys technique in the 1930s.
It’s a technique to help you get to the root cause of a problem and Toyota still use it today.
It’s as simple as asking yourself why, five times.
2. Accept What You Cannot Change
Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up; it means acknowledging reality as it is.
For example, I have teenagers and I absolutely cannot control their choices.
I can teach them, guide them, lead by example, be there for them when they make mistakes and hold space but I cannot control them.
By accepting this, my teens and I have an incredible relationship and I am so proud of their life choices.
My eldest has competed internationally in robotics, my 15 year old recently represented Australia in wrestling (she won) and both are actively involved in the lives of their younger siblings.
They both have jobs, save for what they want, budget etc.
Friends comment they wish they had the relationship we had and I regularly get compliments about how my teens are.
I know a lot of that is because I accepted I cannot control them or their choices but can control myself and how I parent them.
Recognize what’s outside your control and focus on what is within your power.
3. Practice Self-Compassion and Self-Love
Letting go can trigger difficult feelings, those feelings need to be felt and processed, as difficult as it can be.
Treat yourself with kindness, understanding this is part of a healing process.
Allowing yourself to feel your emotions, journal, and take care of yourself will help you let go of whatever is not serving you.
Rest, make sure you are drinking plenty of water, eating nutritious food and taking care of yourself.
Physical activities like yoga, dancing, or even a long walk can help release pent-up emotions in the body, which often makes letting go easier on an emotional level.
I know when I am overwhelmed or overstimulated I need one of a few things: sleep, food, a cry in the shower, support from loved ones or exercise which is preferably done outside.
The combination of emotional release and physical acts of sleep, exercise, journalling and similar help me to let go of these things and continue to live a life I love.
Read these 6 tips for self-care, especially during obstacles for some ideas.
4. Practice Mindfulness
Being present can help you disengage from recurring thoughts about the past or future.
I used to roll my eyes at the mention of mindfulness or meditation (they are different things but people tend to lump them together).
Both practices have drastically improved my energy, mental health and ability to do what I want.
Mindfulness encourages a shift from ruminating to observing your thoughts without judgment.
You can do it through specific breathing exercises such as box breathing or grounding techniques such as putting your bare feet on the ground.
Another one we like is the 5 senses, so if we feel overwhelmed or emotional and cannot deal with something, using our 5 senses can help bring us back to the present.
This is particularly useful when we are ruminating or stuck in a loop going over a specific thing.
Do it by finding 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can taste, 2 things you can smell and something you can hear.
The order doesn’t need to be exact, you can place any sense next to any number, the idea is to get you focused on what is present not the negative loop happening in your head.
Another option is a mantra e.g. one of my favourites is “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” By Carl Jung
As an example, the other day we were out and there was a huge trigger from my past.
I was with 3 of my kids and did not want them to know, we had a lot to get done and they feel my emotions so I needed to get on top of it quickly.
I keep repeating a specific to mantra to myself which helped as well as a quick message to a friend and focusing on the 5 senses.
My 15 year old often picks up on a shift in my mood or trigger, this time she had no idea.
Learning these techniques can help you to let go.
5. Release
Visualise releasing whatever it is or write it on a piece of paper and burn it.
To visualise it, imagine placing what you’re holding onto in a box, then visualizing yourself setting it down and walking away.
Or place it on a leaf on a stream and watch it flow down the river.
There are many visualisations you can try that are designed to help you release.
Some prefer to physically do something as you can then visualise it later if needed.
Write down what you want to release and burn it, watch the smoke rise and visualise the things being released and the wind taking them from you.
Visualization can be a powerful tool for symbolic release.
6. Cultivate Forgiveness But Don’t Rush or Force It
Not everyone or everything needs to be forgiven, even if you decide to forgive, allow yourself the time, space and support you need to forgive.
Forgiving others or yourself doesn’t mean excusing harm, you can forgive without forgetting or without allowing those things to continue.
For me, forgiveness has mainly been about learning to forgive myself first for what has happened or what I am blaming myself for.
Then releasing whatever happened or whoever is involved and their part in it.
This is not a quick process nor is it easy.
Learn how to forgive, the techniques that work for you and allow yourself the time and grace to process whatever you need to.
Forgiveness Tips and Techniques
There are various resources out there about learning how to forgive, what to forgive and different techniques.
A few that really helped me include therapy (more on that in a minute), the book “What Happened To You” and Ho’oponopno which is a Hawaiian forgiveness practice.
7. Focus on New Opportunities:
Whenever I have let go of things that no longer serve me, multiple opportunities flow.
Letting go opens up your energy, focus and life to endless possibilities and it is easier to act on them because you aren’t hung up on the past or trying to control something.
Being open to other options out there, trying new things, doing things you’ve always wanted to do can help create a whole new life full of joy.
Think about what you want to welcome into your life in place of what you’re releasing.
Write down some ideas, research how to get started then pick one and try it.
It’s ok if you don’t like it or want to spend some time trying a variety of things.
The beauty of it is you get to choose and you get to spend your energy on something that will add value to your life.
8. Seek Support
Sometimes, talking to friends, family, or a therapist can help you see your situation from a new perspective and provide the encouragement needed to move forward.
Be selective about who you open up to and what you share when it comes to friends and family though.
Not everyone has your best interests at heart nor do they have the capacity to empathise or assist you in reframing things to help you move forward.
Professionals have tools and resources to teach you the skills needed to let go and move on without judgment or baggage from “everyone knowing”.
Spending time with friends and family, getting support from those you trust and enjoying your life is important though.
So choose carefully who you seek help and support from and what ways you do it but make sure you do seek support.
What Happens When You Learn to Let Go?
Learning to let go is taking back control of your life.
When you spend all your time trying to control others or situations, trying to convince others, being scared of letting go etc you use so much energy and are wasting your time.
Diverting that energy, headspace and likely money to things that are more positive and useful for your life will open up opportunities and have a flow on effect to other areas of your life.
For me, when I let go of situations I cannot change, other people’s choices and heal my past, I generate a lot more money.
I feel free, happy and life flows easily.
Walking around I feel light, energetic and am treated with respect, kindness and support.
Compared to when I am in the energy where I am resisting, refusing to let go and anxiously attached to the outcome.
When I am in that energy, nothing seems to go right, my money dries up and life in general is unpleasant.
Letting go is empowering and allows me to live life my way.
Final Tip and Resources
Remember, letting go is not a single act but a process.
It takes time, patience, and a willingness to let things unfold naturally.
Here are some resources that might help:
Listen to the “Let Them” Theory by Mel Robbins
Read The People Pleaser’s Guide to Putting Yourself First and What Happened To You
My articles that can help
5 tips to help with sleep and sleep deprivation
10 tips to improve your life this year
20 ways to build your confidence
6 tips for self-care, especially during obstacles