7 Tips to Help You Thrive Despite Your Circumstances, Surroundings or Other Obstacles
We have all heard how we are impacted by who we are surrounded by and our environment.
Numerous quotes show how who we surround ourselves with impacts our lives:
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn
“Surround yourself with people who support you. Find champions.” – Sarah Gavron
“If you’re the smartest person in the room, then you’re in the wrong room.” – Confucius
“Who and what we surround ourselves with is who and what we become. In the midst of good people, it is easy to be good. in the midst of bad people, it is easy to be bad.” – Karen Marie Moning
On top of how they impact us, we are judged by them. Their actions, character and reputation will be what people assume we are like.
“A man is known by the company he keeps.” – Aesop
As for your surroundings, “You can’t make positive choices for the rest of your life without an environment that makes those choices easy, natural, and enjoyable.” – Deepak Chopra
“Be careful the environment you choose, for it will shape you; be careful the friends you choose for you will become like them.” – Jorge Flores Jr.
Thriving Despite Negativity
For the past few years we have been based in an area that has been difficult.
We thought it would be ok and we could make the most of it but it severely impacted every area of our lives negatively.
Why?
The mindset in this area is negative, unhealthy, Tall Poppy Syndrome is rife, teens have no hope for their future, no one seems to have any ambition.
We’ve seen other people move into the area and go from healthy, motivated and confident people to extremely unhealthy, overweight alcoholics.
Eating junk food, being obese, tearing each other down, cheating, alcoholism, crime and violence are all socially accepted here.
Coming from a healthy, motivated background, travelling around and living in different cities, this was confronting for us.
The longer we stayed, the harder it was to keep our focus and positivity.
My kids still managed to thrive and we had some great opportunities but most of that was outside the area.
I encouraged them to try anything they wanted and pursue any opportunity without pressure from me.
As a result, my eldest became an international robotics champion and was selected for the Real Madrid FC program here. They got back from Madrid last week.
My second daughter became an international wrestling champion within 18 months of starting wrestling here. She secured a great butcher’s apprenticeship and is saving hard.
These activities meant we travelled for championships and spent time outside of the area.
Every time we come back, we feel so heavy, defeated and simply do not want to be here.
Whenever they achieved something, “friends” were not supportive, to the point my kids feel they can’t say anything about what we are doing or have done.
Despite the mentality here, we managed to achieve a lot.
Here’s how:
1. Cultivate a Strong “Why” aka Your Purpose
Even in the worst circumstances, we can have a strong sense of purpose.
It doesn’t need to be your whole life purpose or mission, it simply needs to be something that gives you purpose, something to strive for.
A deep sense of purpose gives direction, resilience, and motivation, even in hard times.
Research shows people with purpose experience greater well-being and are more likely to overcome adversity.
Viktor Frankl, an Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, wrote Man’s Search for Meaning.
In this book, he shares his experiences in Nazi concentration camps, including Auschwitz while also covering the inner response to suffering and how to manage.
He shares that even in the most brutal conditions, people can choose their attitude.
Prisoners with a sense of meaning or purpose were more likely to survive.
Love, faith and future-oriented goals were crucial psychological resources.
Suffering, when inevitable, can be transformed into a meaningful experience.
Logotherapy, the form of psychotherapy he developed, is discussed as well.
“Those who have a ‘why’ to live can bear almost any ‘how'” – Nietzsche
Once my daughter got into wrestling and enjoyed it, getting to Oceania was a goal so she had a sense of purpose.
My eldest in robotics had the goal of making to the World Championships (and they did). They also set the goal to be chosen to go to Spain with Real Madrid and they achieve that this year.
For me, my purpose was ensuring they were supported in their pursuits and that I continued to maintain my income.
How to Find and Implement a Strong Sense of Purpose
Even in the midst of chaos we can find purpose or focus on a purpose we already have.
If you know what your core values are, that can help.
- Ask yourself: What impact do I want to have? What gets me out of bed? What do I enjoy doing? What makes me feel fulfilled?
- Write a personal mission statement.
- Align daily actions with your long-term values and goals.
If you are unsure where to even start, consider setting a small goal such as achieving the couch to 5km run, registering for an event, doing some classes, learning something new to get yourself outside your comfort zone and trying new things.
Doing this can help you find things you enjoy and that give you purpose.
My kids and providing a better life for them has been my main sense of purpose since I had them.
It extended to creating a better world for them through extensive work around ending homelessness and domestic violence years ago.
Now, it includes improving education, medical access and other things for our tribe in Vanuatu. (My father-in-law is chief now, my son will one day be chief, so we take this seriously).
My main focus is gender equality through providing education and career opportunities, especially for females, since males inherit everything in their culture.
2. Focus on What You Can Control
When we are focused on everything outside of our control, it makes our situation feel helpless and we tend to find more problems.
Shifting focus from uncontrollable circumstances to your responses builds empowerment and reduces anxiety.
Knowing what we can control, even if it is limited to our own thoughts and reactions, creates a strong focus.
Our brains will then look at how to solve our problems and create opportunities instead of focusing on the issues.
For my kids and I, we knew we could control how much we trained, the travel to championships, what we ate, our routines etc so we focused on those.
How to Focus on What You Can Control
Learning to focus on what you can control is a skill that can be difficult to cultivate at first. Here are some things to help.
- Use the “Circle of Control”: Draw 2 circles, one is things within your control, the other is things outside your control.
Write down your worries, then highlight what’s within your power to influence. Write those things within the circle of things you can control. The rest goes in the circle you can’t.
Doing this shows you clearly what you can do so you can focus on that and implement changes. - Commit to consistent small actions—your routines, reactions, habits. When you know what is within your control and what you want to change, create a plan and stuck to it.
For me, I have an ideal morning routine and evening routine plus I have these 11 habits for productivity and review them regularly. - Practice mindfulness to stay grounded in the present moment. Check out 15 tips for mindfulness.
3. Reframe Setbacks as Growth Opportunities
Cognitive reframing helps turn obstacles into catalysts for learning, resilience, and strength.
It shifts your narrative from victimhood to agency.
This also helps stop rumination.
Often when faced with obstacles or challenging situations, we play over and over in our head.
By learning to reframe whatever is going on and look for a better future, we can make change towards what we want instead of staying stuck in what we don’t want.
If I am ruminating, I ask myself if these thoughts are moving me towards the life I want or taking away from it.
And if they are taking away from it, how can I shift my focus to the future I do want
Whenever I am faced with any obstacle, I ask myself these 3 questions to find the lesson, opportunity and something positive from it.
How to Reframe
Depending on the situation, you might want to seek professional help from a therapist to learn to reframe.
Here are a few things that can help.
- After a challenge, ask: What is this teaching me? How can I grow from it?
- Keep a journal to track setbacks and the lessons they provide. Being able to reflect on these can help you manage issues later. Writing it out can also aide in solving the problems.
- Use empowering language: say “I’m learning,” not “I’m failing.”
When we focus on failure or what’s wrong instead of a more positive view such as learning, we are telling ourselves we can’t do it and it’s pointless. Your language matters.
4. Build a Resilience Ritual
Daily practices that support mental, emotional, and physical well-being build resilience over time, helping you bounce back faster.
This is why I have create the morning and evening routines I have, as they incorporate these aspects and set my life up the way I want.
When I don’t do these routines, I feel sluggish, I am less productive and my health suffers.
How to Build a Resilience Ritual or Routine
The rituals or routines you build will be unique to you. Try different things until you find what fits.
- Create a daily ritual with 3 elements: movement, mindfulness, and meaning (e.g., a walk + journaling + reading). My morning routine starts with a workout including weights or cardio and mobility then meditation, reading and journaling.
- Keep it simple but consistent, even on hard days. The Miracle Morning outlines how even 1 minute of each activity is better than nothing. Being consistent is key to true change and shows what your habits really are.
- Protect this time like an appointment with yourself. If you truly want things to change and to thrive despite anything going on around you, then you need to keep your promises to yourself. The time you set aside for these routines and rituals needs to be as important as the time you’d set aside for a hard to get appointment with a specialist.
5. Surround Yourself with Uplifting People
You absorb the energy, beliefs, and behaviors of those around you.
A supportive circle can encourage you, offer perspective, and help you rise.
When my daughter started wrestling, the coach immediately saw her potential and was adamant she keep coming back as he could see she was a champion.
However, as she continued and made it to represent Australia, there was a definite shift.
It seemed the coach and club were only supportive of her when they all thought they were better than her.
In the lead up to her international competition the coach told me I was wasting my money, it’s expensive and a long way to go, no point etc.
On our way to Thailand for the South East Asia and Oceania Invitational competition, she wanted to quit. This was going to be her last competition she had decided.
When we arrived, we happened to meet the team from Western Australia who were so supportive, funny and encouraging.
We also met the Tongan team and officials (my daughter is part Tongan) and they came to support her match despite her representing Australia.
Amazingly, she was randomly assigned to the WA Head Coach, which was our hope for the competition.
Being surrounded by this support, she knew she was a champion and knew she would win. Until that point, she had doubts because of the lack of support back in NSW.
She won in under 30 seconds, one of only 6 athletes to bring home gold for Australia in that competition.
Tonga and Australia erupted in applause, ecstatic at her win.
When she called her coach and team back in NSW, her coach literally said “Oh sh!t, she actually did it!” in a tone of zero encouragement as he did not believe in her at all.
Coming back home, they have not been supportive at all. The WA team have, and it’s one of the main reasons we are moving to Perth now, so she can train there.
The WA head coach has been so supportive since we got back, found her the coach he recommends here for her and more until she can train with him.
Find Your People
The above is an example of how important it is to find the right people and how difficult it can be in some areas.
We’ve tried to find people with a growth mindset where we are including joining different classes, trying hobbies, chatting to people in various places etc.
Everywhere else we go we find our people. Here we couldn’t so we all turned to our friends in other locations and messaging or video calls which is not the same as having support around where you live.
It has been the worst place we have ever lived and we cannot wait to move to Perth to be surrounded by ambitious, honest, friendly, like-minded people.
How to Surround Yourself with Uplifting People
We have lived in numerous cities around Australia, got locked down in the Solomon Islands and frequent Vanuatu plus have travelled extensively elsewhere.
There are good people everywhere, sometimes it is harder to find them than other times.
Start with where you are:
- Audit your relationships: who energises vs. drains you? This includes the content you consume online/people you follow.
- Intentionally seek out growth-oriented communities, mentors, or friends. If you can’t find them where you are, seek them out online or within a distance you are willing to travel.
- Set boundaries with toxic influences, even if it’s uncomfortable at first. Doing this protects your mindset and energy.
For us, the area we are currently in has been so toxic the best option is to move. Fortunately, we all fell in love with Perth after my daughter had a championship there and we obviously love her team there.
An added bonus is that the kid’s dad can move into saturation diving there, his big career goal, so it is better for everyone.
When I announced the move, we discovered so many people from our past live there, people who have similar mindsets, life focuses and goals e.g. healthy living, business, family focused etc.
Do the best you can where you are but if it’s not working, consider another location.
6. Practice Radical Self-Compassion
Self-compassion reduces shame, boosts emotional resilience, and keeps you from giving up when things get tough.
For those raised in strict households with high expectations, this can be difficult to implement but is worth the effort.
How to Practice Radical Self-Compassion
- Replace negative self-talk with kind, supportive inner dialogue. Whenever you catch yourself talking negatively, reframe it and find a positive. It will take time and practice but the more you do it, the easier it will be.
- When you’re struggling, speak to yourself like you would to a dear friend. How often do we berate ourselves in a way we’d never tolerate from friends? Treat yourself with kindness like you do those you love.
- Use affirmations like: “I’m doing the best I can right now, and that’s enough.”
7. Visualise the Life You’re Creating
Visualisation activates the brain’s problem-solving and motivation systems.
Seeing your future self clearly helps make that vision feel achievable.
I had a specific visualisation I used when dealing with years of fighting for the custody of my children. On the day I was awarded full custody, it played out almost exactly as I had visualised.
Now, we have a few we focus on to get us through the last few weeks where we are based.
Thinking about and imagining training at our new location, surfing at the beaches we’ve been to, travelling around WA and our home in the suburb we want are helping us immensely.
Whenever something awful happens here such as when a man in his 50s was recording my daughters in the shops (we did report it and he was removed) we remind ourselves of the life we are about to have.
How to Visualise
I create daydreams like a movie scene in my head but I focus on the feelings as well as the visuals.
- Spend 5 minutes each morning visualising your ideal day, future life, or best self. You can choose a specific moment such as winning something, a holiday, when you buy your home or similar.
- Create a vision board or write a future “day in the life” letter. Journaling this regularly can help with visualising it as well.
- Anchor actions to that vision: ask, “Does this bring me closer or further away?”
Final Thoughts
Our environment and social circle deeply impact us but there is a lot we can do to maintain the mindset we desire.
As difficult as it has been where we currently are, we managed to achieve great things and it is because of the above 7 tips.
Life isn’t perfect and your situation won’t always be ideal but you can make changes, focus on what you can control and manage your mindset to have a better life.
How do you thrive despite your circumstances or environment?
Resources
Here are all the articles and resources mentioned:
Man’s Search for Meaning (book)
How to define your values and live them
How to create a personal mission statement
My ideal morning routine
My evening routine
11 habits to be more productive and why they are effective
15 mindfulness tips for beginners
3 questions to ask yourself to turn an obstacle into an opportunity
Fight The New Drug (website)