Even though I went from homeless single mother to multiple international award-winning CEO, my life now is completely different.
When I was a CEO I felt a constant battle between being authentically myself and feeling I had to hustle and grind as per the expectations of the 2010s.
My dream had been to be there for my kids, raising them myself while still having some sort of career.
I had career aspirations as a kid and teen but was heavily influenced by the religion I grew up in to be a stay at home mum.
Being a mother, I wanted to be the one to teach them, loved the idea of homeschooling and travelling, living life our way.
The marriage I was in was abusive so I went down the path of doing what I could to make money so I could leave.
Doing that resulted in a book contract, international speaking, a marketing company and more.
Aspects of it were amazing such as how much money was raised for my chosen charities and the travel my kids and I did.
Other aspects didn’t feel right such as having others look after my kids, needing to be more masculine to compete and the pressure from “tech bros” for lack of a better term.
Essentially, I felt like I had to be a man to succeed, to take the advice of all the men with podcasts, businesses etc.
But as a single mother, it wasn’t practical. As someone who wanted to be there for my kids and be the one raising them, the hustle 24/7 culture didn’t feel right.
Once I stepped back from it all, the opportunities my kids and I had, our relationship and life in general blossomed.
We travelled a lot, I met someone, had more children and now live by the beach in Australia but frequent Vanuatu where we have family.
Embracing my authentic self, a more feminine way of being felt right and made us so much happier.
How to Define Your Values and Create Boundaries That Stick
In a world full of expectations, living authentically can feel like a challenge.
Between societal pressures, family obligations, and the fear of disappointing others, it’s easy to lose sight of who we truly are.
Authenticity isn’t about pleasing everyone—it’s about aligning your life with what genuinely matters to you.
The key to living authentically lies in three fundamental steps: identifying your core values, recognizing where you’re out of alignment, and setting clear boundaries to protect your energy and integrity.
1. Identify Your Core Values
Your values act as a compass, guiding your decisions and shaping the way you live.
When you honor them, you feel fulfilled and at peace. When you ignore them, life feels off-balance.
How to Discover Your Values
I wrote an article previously about how to discover your core values but here are some tips.
Reflect on Past Experiences
Think about times when you felt truly happy, proud, or connected.
What values were being honoured?
In what ways were they being honoured?
If you aren’t sure how to identify the values, what qualities mattered and what thoughts did you have, what was the focus?
For example, family is my strongest value so happy family memories, teaching my kids and any experiences based on the family all come up when I reflect.
Recognise What Upsets You
The things that trigger you often point to violated values.
If dishonesty enrages you, integrity is likely a core value.
Notice how your body feels and how you react to situations you find upsetting.
Dig deeper to work out why you feel that way and what value has been violated.
Make a values list
Write down what matters most to you (e.g., freedom, connection, growth, adventure, creativity).
Then, narrow it down to 5-10 non-negotiables.
Example of Core Values:
• Freedom – You thrive when you have control over your time and choices.
• Integrity – You value honesty and authenticity in yourself and others.
• Growth – You are committed to personal development and learning.
• Connection – You prioritize meaningful relationships.
• Adventure – You seek new experiences and challenges.
Your values are deeply personal—there’s no right or wrong list. The goal is to define what you stand for.
2. Assess Where You’re Out of Alignment
Once you’ve identified your core values, take an honest look at your life.
Ask yourself:
• Am I living in alignment with my values?
• Where do I feel resentment, exhaustion, or frustration? These feelings often signal that a boundary is being crossed.
• What relationships or commitments feel draining instead of energizing?
For example, if freedom is a core value, but you constantly say yes to obligations out of guilt, you’re out of alignment.
If integrity is essential to you, but you work in an environment that encourages dishonesty, something needs to change.
Once you have identified where you are out of alignment, you can make changes.
The relief you will feel as you set and stick to boundaries that align with your values is immense.
3. Set and Communicate Boundaries
Boundaries are essential for protecting your values but many of us struggle to set clear boundaries and stick to them.
They create space for you to live authentically without being pulled in directions that don’t serve you.
Setting and sticking to boundaries are about you, not about controlling others.
Often people give ultimatums and view them as boundaries but we cannot control what others do, only what we do.
Types of Boundaries and How to Set Them
Here are some examples of boundaries for different areas of your life and how to set them.
1. Time Boundaries
Protect how you spend your time. Most workplaces expect you to be available 24/7 and if you run a business or side hustle, the same expectation seems to come through social media.
Take back your time and set boundaries around when you are available.
For example: “I don’t check work emails after 6 PM.”
Establish this as a rule, set an autoresponder on your email if necessary then under no circumstances should you check your email.
The key to this one being effective is how you manage it. Once you break it, it’s hard to come back from that.
If you are consistent, others will accept it and manage their needs accordingly.
2. Emotional Boundaries
Protect your mental and emotional well-being with solid boundaries.
For example: “I won’t engage in conversations that involve gossip or negativity.”
If you don’t want to be gossiped about, don’t gossip about others.
You know that if those are the conversations someone focuses on, at some point YOU are the topic of those conversations.
Gossip and negativity breed the same and if you don’t want a life surrounded by it, you need to set the boundary and enforce it.
When someone starts, either redirect them or politely state you are uncomfortable with that topic and would prefer to discuss something else.
3. Physical Boundaries
Protect your personal space and energy. Learn about what you need, what helps you recharge, feel good and energised then set boundaries to help you fulfill your needs.
For example: “I need alone time in the mornings before engaging with others.”
This is one of my personal needs, so I get up at 5am, do my morning routine and my day goes much smoother.
I love my kids and am more than happy to spend time with them, I do much better when I have a bit of time to myself in the morning.
You can find my morning routine here.
4. Financial Boundaries
Financial boundaries were difficult in our household due to the cultural expectations of our tribe/family in Vanuatu.
In Australia, we prepare for our retirement, in Vanuatu the kids are expected to support the parents.
There is also the expectation that Australians are super rich and can pay for everything.
We had to find ways to support everyone e.g. paying for the kids education, investing in business and real estate to increase income and help everyone there.
Define your limits around money then be strong about them.
For example: “I don’t lend money to friends or family.”
This is a common boundary and one that protects everyone involved.
Too many disagreements happen around money being lent to friends or family and not repaid.
When I lend, I don’t expect to be repaid because I was burnt too many times when I was younger.
However, I also know I can lend or borrow from my siblings and parents but I won’t do it outside of them.
4. Communicating Boundaries Effectively
How we communicate our boundaries is important and can determine how seriously people take us.
When communicating the boundaries, say it with confidence.
Depending on the boundary you need to discuss and enforce, you might need to set a specific time to discuss it.
Make sure whoever you need to tell is paying attention and in a state where they can listen and discuss.
If they refuse or it’s not safe for you, please seek out alternatives.
Assuming all is well and you have a time set, follow these tips for setting your boundary.
Use “I” statements such as “I need to prioritize my well-being, so I won’t be available for calls after 8 PM.”
Be direct, not defensive. You don’t owe lengthy explanations.
“That doesn’t work for me” and “No” are both complete sentences.
Stand firm because some people will push back and if you give in, they will know they can push you.
Stay consistent in enforcing your boundaries.
5. How to Let Go of Guilt and People-Pleasing
One of the hardest parts of setting boundaries is overcoming guilt, especially if you’ve been conditioned to prioritize others over yourself.
Remember: You are not responsible for how others react to your boundaries.
Authenticity may cost you some relationships—but it will attract the right ones.
You cannot give your best to others if you are constantly drained and compromising your values.
Getting professional help such as a counsellor or psychologist can be beneficial in sorting out your feelings and increasing your emotional stability to enforce boundaries.
A book I found useful is The People Pleasers Guide to Putting Yourself First.
Sometimes, you need to let go of people and situations. It can be hard but worth it.
6. Sticking To Your Boundaries
The ongoing process of living authentically isn’t a one-time decision, it’s a lifelong commitment to self-awareness and growth.
Check in with yourself regularly by asking yourself:
Are my actions aligned with my values?
Where do I need to reinforce boundaries?
What needs to change to bring more authenticity into my life?
By defining your values and setting clear boundaries, you create a life that feels truly yours.
And that is the ultimate freedom.