14 Tips for Managing Life Changes
We all face challenges and times when life seems to be throwing everything at us.
How you handle those obstacles and what you do to overcome them profoundly impacts your quality of life and success.
1. Reframe Your Perspective
View challenges as opportunities for growth and learning rather than setbacks.
Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel about the situation, journal it, get therapy, do what you need to do to process it.
Then reframe it.
Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” and “How can I turn this into an opportunity?”
When we are in the middle of it, often it feels hopeless and our minds instantly go to worst case scenario.
Putting ourselves down, only focusing on the negatives or resisting change won’t help you move forward.
If you find it hard to reframe your situation, seek professional help with a counsellor or supportive friends.
There are lots of tools available to help you reframe but sometimes it is easier having someone else help you with it.
As an example, instead of saying “I hate my thighs, they’re so fat” you can focus on their positives such as “I love my thighs because they are strong and help me get where I need to go.”
The Calm app can help with this and there is a great article about how to reframe negative thoughts on their site.
2. Practice Acceptance
Acknowledge the situation for what it is, rather than resisting it.
Acceptance allows you to move forward with clarity and purpose.
Whatever you are facing, think deeper about why you are resisting it.
What emotions are you feeling, what outcome do you fear, why is it such an issue?
Getting to the core issues will help you move to acceptance.
You don’t need to be happy about everything that is happening but if you can accept it is happening or has happened, you can make a plan to move forward.
Knowing your emotions, fears and thoughts enables you to reframe them and create a plan of action.
The power of acceptance is discussed in The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success. Another good book is The Art and Power of Acceptance.
3. Stay Flexible and Open-Minded
Your view on whatever you are facing is key to being able to overcome it and even turn it into an opportunity.
Be willing to adjust your goals and plans as circumstances change.
You don’t have to completely give up on whatever you wanted but you might need a new strategy to make it happen.
Maybe you need to allow more time or need help doing it.
Adaptability is key to long-term success.
Sometimes unexpected detours lead to exciting possibilities.
Be open to exploring new paths that arise.
4. Focus on What You Can Control
Identify aspects of the situation that are within your power and channel your energy there, instead of dwelling on what’s beyond your control.
When you are focused on things outside of your control, the situation can feel helpless.
Make a list of everything within your control for whatever you are facing and how you can improve on those.
What can you do to adapt to the situation and make things better for yourself?
As an example, I’m a parent and I know I cannot control everything my teenagers do.
I can control how I react, what I teach them, the support I give, lessons, family experiences to remain connected etc.
Ultimately they will make their own choices about everything from school to careers to health.
Giving them the freedom to do that while providing opportunities to learn and grow while knowing I will always be there for them enables them to explore life in a safer manner.
I might not always agree with their choices but I can guide, teach, support and help.
5. Break It Down into Steps
When overwhelmed, break challenges into small, manageable tasks to avoid feeling paralyzed by uncertainty.
When life throws curveballs it is easy to feel stuck or that the issue is too large to overcome.
Take a step back and look at it objectively.
Think about what it is you want to achieve and how you can make that happen.
Sometimes it can help to think about the end result and work backwards.
Knowing what you can control, what steps can you take to improve things?
Write these steps down into things you can do each day to help you achieve your goals.
6. Build a Support System
Reach out to friends, family, or mentors who can offer guidance, encouragement, and perspective during difficult times.
Some of us withdraw when facing hardship due to shame, embarrassment, not wanting to burden others or other reasons.
If you don’t already have a good, trustworthy and reliable support system, now is the time to make one.
Whether it is people you already know or starting fresh by joining support groups, participating in a class and meeting new people, finding a therapist or coach or someone else.
All of those things will help.
When choosing who to lean on for support and open up to, be conscious.
Analyse of they are someone who keeps their word, is honest, respects your boundaries, doesn’t gossip and will maintain your confidentiality.
Opening up to the wrong person can lead to more hurt which is why it’s so important to be selective about who you go to for support.
7. Practice Gratitude
What can you be grateful for right now?
It doesn’t matter how small it is, finding things to appreciate in your life helps shift your mindset.
You don’t need to be happy happy rah rah all the time or aim to be positive no matter what.
Toxic positivity and ignoring your emotions will have negative impact on your life.
Instead, focus on things you can appreciate or be grateful for in your life, even when things don’t go as planned.
Write a list and try to list a few things each day to help shift your focus.
I share how to have an attitude of gratitude if you’d like more tips.
8. Maintain Self-Care Habits
Self-care is not about bubble baths, being able to shower along or any basic hygiene habits (can you tell I am a mum?).
Taking care of your mental and physical health needs to be a priority, even moreso during difficult times.
Prioritise sleep, exercise, nutrition, and mindfulness practices to build resilience and cope with unexpected changes.
When we stop looking after ourselves, it makes everything else seem harder.
A lack of sleep will severely impact your health and mood making any obstacle difficult and since you can’t think clearly, you won’t be able to adapt easily.
Do whatever you can to ensure you get quality sleep. I have some tips on sleep here.
Continue exercising, even if you don’t feel like it.
Be gentler with your exercise for a while if needed such as walking instead of running, doing yoga, pilates, swimming, bushwalking etc instead of the gym if you want.
The point is to try to keep moving, keep active and get those endorphins going.
Many people find exercise helps clear their head and enables them to solve issues, find different strategies and organise their thoughts.
Eat to fuel your body and avoid junk where possible.
As tempting as it is to reach for pizza and ice cream when things go wrong, it won’t make you feel good and will likely make you feel worse.
Fueling your body with nutritious food and drinking plenty of water is important because it helps you think clearer so you can adapt to whatever you need to.
9. Allow Feelings, Control Reactions, Enforce Boundaries
Allow yourself to feel emotions without being consumed by them.
Learning that it is ok to feel your feelings, that they are valid and you don’t have to lock them down deep inside you is powerful.
Locking them away or letting them take over your life will stop you from adapting or progressing.
Instead, feel your emotions, practice naming them and responding thoughtfully rather than reactively.
You might not have control of many things in your life right now but you can control how you react.
Feel what you need to feel, process it and don’t let it control. your life.
When you realise that your reaction is what is dictating your feelings about this, you will be able to move through your feelings into solutions faster.
A good example of this is the Let Them Theory with Mel Robbins.
Rather than getting upset over other people’s decisions or behaviour, choose to “let them.”
Let them do whatever it is they are doing and choose how you respond.
I am not saying allow others to abuse you or walk all over you or anything like that.
You still need boundaries and choices have consequences, you can choose what boundaries you enforce and the consequences of those while still leaving them to their own choices.
Boundaries are not about trying to control someone else or giving ultimatums, they are about your reaction and what you can control.
As an example, if someone is lying to you, a boundary could be that as long as they lie to you, you won’t engage with them.
10. Use Visualisation Techniques
Visualisation is a powerful tool you can learn to help you face anything.
Picture yourself successfully navigating the change, imagine how it looks, feels, smells, what you are wearing, what you are doing, all of it.
I’ve used this technique many times when adapting to changes, especially when so much feels outside of my control.
One of my favourite examples is when I was going through custody.
It was a long, expensive custody battle where I was seeking sole parental responsibility due to abuse.
The reason it took so long is due to him trying to abuse the system, losing his lawyer and the court system itself having long waits (over 2 years at one point) for court dates.
Whenever I got stressed about it all, I would picture the final day in court.
I know exactly how I was dressed, what was said, how it smelt, my reaction, the weather outside after, all of it.
And it unfolded almost exactly as I had imagined.
Having this visual helped me remain calm when needed and focus on the things within my control rather than how much was outside of it.
11. Practice Resilience Through Small Wins
Build resilience by focusing on small victories that boost your confidence and reinforce your ability to adapt.
Look for some quick wins to help you feel on top of things and that you are succeeding somewhat.
Doing this helps you feel more confident and to focus less on what is wrong right now.
What is something you can do now that will help you achieve the goal you initially wanted or help you step towards what you want?
Is there anything you can do today that will make you feel you have accomplished something?
It could be small such as cleaning out the junk drawer or could be larger such as overhauling your finances.
Whatever it is you choose to do, be sure to acknowledge the achievement when you have completed it.
12. Set Realistic Expectations
Understand that setbacks and delays are a normal part of life.
In an ideal world, everything would go smoothly, you’d achieve what you set out to achieve and have the lifestyle you want, right?
Well, if it did happen that way, you wouldn’t learn as much and what you do might not be what’s best for you.
Adjust your expectations to avoid unnecessary frustration and be realistic.
By all means, dream big, aim for the stars and go hard after what you want.
Understand it might not work out and when things happen that you don’t expect, you need to adapt.
When setting your goals, try to set realistic ones and do everything you can to make them happen.
With any setback or major change, use the above tips to review it all and set new expectations surrounding the goal.
If you stay stuck on what should have been and keep unrealistic expectations, you are unlikely to progress.
Your mind will be trapped in a negative loop instead of seeking solutions.
13. Seek Professional Help if Needed
Sometimes unexpected challenges can be overwhelming, and professional guidance from a coach or therapist can provide valuable support.
Be selective about who you work with, check their credentials and reviews and if anything feels off, find someone else.
The relationship between a client and therapist is special and needs to be respected.
If you don’t feel a connection to your therapist, don’t feel they understand or have the expertise to deal with your issues, find someone else.
Find someone else if they are unprofessional too. E.g. I had a therapist recently answer a personal call to their real estate agent in the middle of a session. I terminated the session and got a refund.
Most therapists are great at what they do, they tend to specialise in specific areas and not therapist can treat all issues.
This is why you need to do your homework to find a therapist that matches your needs.
Sometimes it might take a few tries to find the right one but when you do find the right one, it can be extremely valuable.
14. Keep a Long-Term Perspective
Remind yourself that challenges are temporary, and setbacks often lead to growth and new opportunities in the future.
It might not be easy but knowing what you want long-term and how you can achieve that will help you face any struggles.
For example, we have businesses in Vanuatu, one recently needed some repairs that cost more than we anticipated and meant we couldn’t trade for that period.
While getting it sorted, Port Vila was hit by a 7.9 magnitude earthquake. We are extremely grateful our family are safe because not everyone was.
That was another setback and we had no control over either of these.
All we could do was focus on getting the money needed, sending it, helping the family and relying on them to let us know when things opened and when repairs could be made.
What could have been a major setback was a small hurdle because we know the long-term goal, as does the family and we all work together towards it.
Keep a picture of your long-term goal or change your password to it so you can keep it in your mind easily.
Do what you can to focus on the end result and solutions rather than the problems you are facing in the present.